In
youth we are called from dependency to independence, in middle age to
interdependence; and in old age, ultimately, back to dependency
again. But to make this final transition, we must be willing and able
to give up control. A sixty-five-year-old woman came to see me for
depression precipitated by detached retinas, which had rendered her
ninety percent blind. She was filled with rage at her condition and
at the ophthalmologist who had failed to save her from it. By our
second session the underlying theme had become clear. “I just hate
it,” she said, “when they have to take my arm to usher me into
the pew or help me down the church steps.” And shortly thereafter,
“I’m just plain bored stuck at home so much. Lots of people offer
to drive me wherever I want to go, but I can’t ask them to assist
me all the time.”
Fortunately
for us both, she was a religious person. “It is clear to me,” I
said, “that in your life you managed to become a remarkably
independent woman, and it is quite natural for you to have taken a
great deal of pride in your independence. But, you know, it’s a
journey from here to heaven, and I suspect we can get there only when
we travel lightly. I’m not sure you can make it carrying around all
that pride. I can’t fault you for thinking of your blindness as a
curse. It is conceivable to me, however, that you might think of it
as a blessing given to you to help you strip away all your pride in
your independence. Considering your health otherwise, you’ve
probably got another good fifteen years left. It’s up to you
whether you want to live those years under a curse or under a
blessing.”
She
made the right choice, and her depression quickly lifted. But a great
many do not make the right choice and fight the calling to give up
control to the bitter end.
-M
Scott Peck, A World Waiting to be Born
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